Friday, March 12, 2010

Happy Gotcha Day KOLE!!!!!

Wow. Four years... We have come a long way since that day we met Kole in Kunming...
We started our day with the flight to Kunming then after a quick check in and drop off of luggage we headed to the Civil Affairs office to meet our son. We had no idea what to expect. We arrived at the white building tucked in a residential area and waited for the orphange staff to arrive. When they did, we say a large man step out of a van holding his hand was Kole. He looked scared and unsure. It was funny how both the man and Kole walked in the same manner. Afterward I asked Boyd if he video taped it, and he had forgotten. He and I were both caught up in that moment. Koles face was very ruddy and hair had been shaved. He wore a pair of denim bibbed overalls a flannel shirt and a lined denim jacket. He had batman shoes on. After everyone was settled, they broght Kole to us. We gave him a teddy graham which he ended up crushing in his hand, he was holding it so tight. Boyd showed him the balls in a small play area and they started playing. He was laughing then and playing hard. When it was time to do paperwork and sit with us he was very quiet and not saying much.

Oh I can't forget we were sitting next to another couple from Denmark, I believe and they remember Kole telling their son in Chinese, it's o.k. don'g cry.

So grown up for an almost 4 year old. When the paperwork was done we caught a cab back to the hotel to get to know our son. Our guide Mary, stopped and got us some supper on her way back from the final paperwork. Kole really liked the legos we had broght with us and the little cars. He like the sticker book with bugs that he kept pretending to feed us.

He spoke a lot in Chinese to us. I look back and he was very talkative with the toys etc. The worry started at bedtime.

He would not change into pjs and would not take his shoes off. He woudl not lay down in the bed. I finally had gotten his shoes off, but decided the rest was not a battle to fight. We got him tucked in and tried to tell him to sleep now. Instead.... he punched me. ouch! then he spit on me.... I stuck with him and the first song in English he heard was LIttle bunny foo foo.... and he was the one I popped on the head. lol lightly of course. He finally fell asleep.

The next morning was no better. He decided it would be great fun to pee on Boyd. He tried to escape from the hotel room. He would run from us laughing this evil laugh...

We wondered, What the bleep are we doing? Could we really handle this very energetic boy? Could we take him home and what would this do to our girls? We had a lot of soul searching to do. I left out quite a bit, but to say the least, it was very stressful for us and him.

Our final day in Kunming, we went to the airport and Kole yet again, ran from us. I turned, waved, and said si jian... (good by). And started walking away. Mary was horrified, Boyd was confused... but Kole came back to us.... We flew to Guangzhou where they put us in a room next to a podium lady to catch Kole if he should want to run again. We met other families who had adopted boys Kole's age and they were so thankful that our son was acting out worse then theirs... great.

When we left for Hong kong, Kole yet again was acting out and apparently hurt Mary. She took him for one of the walks she would take him on when he was not being nice and then came back and told us to give him a biscuit (*animal cracker). In the HOng Kong train station standing in line, he would not walk the immigration line so I was holding him with his legs hanging straight down and him pushing against me. People questioned and we told them he was now our son. The comments were "you are very nice family to take such a naughty boy". Then he head butted me. I saw stars.... I kept the tears back and made it through. I nice man behind us told me "you should smack him. I would have slugged him"

omg.... We got to our hotel without any further problems... The next day we flew home.

We had many struggles over the months that followed. The girls had a hard time accepting him for who he is, I did too. I think Boyd even did at some level... Kole had a hard time sharing dad.
Kole's anger continued to rise up and he would physically lash out. We took him adn ourselves to a counselor and it helped Kole the most. He now knows how to handle his anger without lashing out at people with fists and kicks.

I continued counseling for 2 more years... I can say today that I love this boy as my own son and that we do get along very well. We don't have the same bond as I do with the girls, but it is there.
Happy Gotcha day Kole!!!

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